I've been in a conflicted state of mind lately and scrolling through old records, these Artworks seem to sum up my chaotic, complicated feelings perfectly. The pictures were taken the last time I visited the Tate Modern, almost 2 years ago now. It reiterates the ability of art to reach through time and space and connect with individuals in a way that few things can. It's funny because the mood I was in on that sweltering summer's day is comically opposite to my current state of mind. It was one of the rare occasions where it was just me and mum, spending a slow day together, chattering and trying to avoid bumping into other sticky bodies in the overly crowded space.
We walked a little, sat often and wrote on postcards that the museum provided as part of a project incorporating public participation. It was a happy day but the main point I'm circling back to was that the same Artworks attracted me for very different reasons. The colours, the vivid yellow in particular spoke to my warm contented emotions and the coarse brushstrokes evoked a sense of being unrestained, impulsive and carefree. The child in me was fulfilled.
When I look at it today, I see the greys, the blacks, the whites filling the canvas, providing a starker contrast. The circles and long lines like shimmering emotions on the brink of something big, quivering molecules just before boiling point. It fits the tension in my mind, the messiness, undercurrents of pain, the suppressed darkness. Its a fog I hope to emerge from but tell me this: what do you do when the easy way out is not possible and the hard way is just too hard? Do you come to a complete stop in paralysed fear or can you find enough within to push on?
from my last visit to the Tate...